Ask Us Anything!

“How do I tell my boyfriend that I’m not ready to have sex?”

Rubyyy says: Ummmm Tell him you’re not ready to have sex! And to be honest, you probably are having sex, just because it doesn’t involve vaginal penetration by a penis, doesn’t mean it’s not sex honeyyy!

So here’s the thing… You should be dating, one day having sex, with the kind of person who you can say “I’m not ready, I love you, let’s make out” to and they’ll love you, respect you and that boundary with no expectation. Is your boyfriend that kinda guy?

It’s hard, we’re young and in love, we’re beautiful and horny but that doesn’t mean we’re ready and I’m pleased that you know that, that you can at least express to me. If it feels hard to communicate because you feel embarrassed or whatever that’s fair enough but you’re judging yourself there and probably applying someone else’s opinions or choices to how you feel about it.

You know how you feel. You’re not ready. Be the powerful young woman you are and stand on your own team, this is your body, your sex and your experience and there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t do exactly what’s right for you. Don’t give me any: “But all my friends” or “what if he” focus on you, on communicating and standing firm in what is right for you. Love and Light xxx

Have you got a question for our Agony Aunt? Email her at ask.yellowbunting@yahoo.co.uk

Ask Us Anything!

“I’m off to uni soon and I’m worried about making friends. I’m quite shy and not very confident at just going up to people and start talking. Any words of advice?”

Hi There!

This one is perhaps “easier said than done” but I’m going to say it anyway… Uni is there perfect place and time to meet new people and they’ll be many social opportunities, clubs and groups you can join. Join at least one last involves something you want to learn about and one that involves something you’re a pro at; more chance of meeting new folks with common or unique interests.

Also, check your language. You said outright “I’m quite shy and not very confident…” and it’s one thing to be shy or soft spoken but to accept and present to people that you’re not confident is letting you down. Why aren’t you confident? I’m sure you’re awesome! You need to examine that a little bit and BE confident!

Uni is a perfect time to reinvent yourself, I reinvented myself when I moved to London and though I was SCARED OUT OF MY MIND to move alone, to a foreign country, where I knew no one and had no friends, I did it cause I knew in the long run I would be happy.

Put yourself out there sweetheart, know you are someone worth knowing and faces the part of you that says you’re not – Best of luck! Congratulations! Love and Light! xxx

Ask Us Anything!

“I’ve just come out to my friends which was fine, it’s not big deal and they’re all happy for me as I’ve recently starting dating a wonderful girl, but one of my friends keeps asking how me and my girlfriend have sex! I keep telling her to stop asking and leave my sex life alone but she keeps going on about it and it’s really frustrating me! How can I tell her to stop?”

Ohhh Gawd! I wish I had an AA Yellow Bunting radio show so I could ask you more questions because, yet again, this is a tricky one. Who has the issue here I wonder? Your friend being a nosy, rude brat or you being uncomfortable explaining the basics of f-to-f sexuality.

To be honest, your “friend” sounds like a brat, if you don’t mind me saying – if she’s asking you in a way that disrespectful, intrusive or unkind.

However! She may also be totally clueless, sweetly interested and perhaps a little femme curious! Either way! You need to sit her down and spell it out.

If she’s literally so sheltered or naive/cock-fixated, perhaps she just needs a little education and wants to ask a few frank questions of her new go-to-lesbian. If she is being rude and cruel/cock-blind you need to serve her the T. Your life and sex life are none of her business unless she can approach them both with respect and love and you in turn give her access, either way, that needs to be crystal clear ASAP or, and make this clear, your friendship will suffer long term.

Congrats on coming out! Bravo! Loads of love and light to youuu xxx

Ask Us Anything!

“Recently I’ve noticed one of my friends is becoming slightly more manipulative than she used to be. We always end up doing what she wants to, when she wants to and on occasion have not gone out with certain people because she doesn’t ‘feel like it’. It bothering me more and more, but I’m not too sure how to talk to her about this!”

Hmmmmm Well, I would question the level of dependency in your relationship for a start. The fact that she is “slightly more manipulative” means you’ve always perceived her, on some level, to be manipulative. Why did you accept it? Why was that ever fine? Just check in with yourself there and be honest… On the other hand… Needing to control situations externally could be a sign of feeling a lack of control and understanding within yourself.

Perhaps your friendship needs a little space, a little breathing room; sometimes when friendships become co-dependent, as yours might be, an individual craving space may assert authority, seek control, to find some phantom peace or to enforce a boundary which they feel may give them mental or emotional space. I would take a little time for you and reassess the situation. If the behavior continues, it’s a matter of a frank and heartfelt conversation about feeling unseen, unheard within the friendship. A tricky conversation admittedly but not one you can dance around; give your feelings a measured voice and approach your friend with kindness and openness; who knows, she may be going through something, had some trauma or just need an invitation to share. Be clear in this, be balanced and really give power to you and your desired outcome! Best of luck!

Love and Light

 

Ask Us Anything!

“I have a small group of friends all of whom are going on holiday without me as I couldn’t afford to go this year. I didn’t think it would bother me but as their leaving date gets closer, I’m starting to feel a bit jealous and left out. Is there any way you can help the green eyes monster inside me?”

Awww babes! That’s too bad but sometimes, most times, just a small shift in attitude makes everything brighter. Be happy for your friends! Get excited for them and with them! Like all their pictures on FB and listen to the same “And then…!” stories over and over with genuine sweetness in your spirit. The message you’re sending to yourself is not only the sadness of not being able to go this time but an affirmation that you won’t ever go and that’s not the future you want SO be happy, genuinely, for your friends and remind that little green monster that your trip is coming, you’ll go on many holidays and life is sweeter when it’s lighter.

AND throw yourself a little solo soirée or invite different group of friends and make the dinner/the party a getaway theme! Or themed to the trip you’re craving! Have fun! And enjoy yourself and your space or these other friends you’re overdue to catch up with. Go easy on you, you’re working hard and your holiday will come. Believe it! Love and Light xxx

Love and Light

About the Agony Aunt: Rubyyy Jones is a performer, writer and muse; originally from Canada, she moved to London to find the sexier side of life! Rubyyy is no expert but she’s listening, learning and loving her way towards wisdom and peaceful power.

Ask Us Anything!

“I’m in a long term relationship [we’ve been dating for 5 years] and recently me and my partner have got into a rather boring routine that involves not a lot of sex and rarely going out together. How do we get out of this rut?”

Rubyyy says: Hello Darling! It’s natural for relationships to have ebbs and flows of passion and fun, and I think it’s great that you care and that you wanna revitalize things; show me true passion and devotion for your partner and your relationship.

I would suggest, instead of having a discussion, make some plans, take life by the reins, do something you’ve always wanted to and invite your partner a long. Sometimes it just takes getting back into the swing of things.

When it comes to the sex, mix that up to but also deep your intimacy and eroticism. Make time specifically to explore and discover sensual and sexual sensations and scenarios.

You’ve said the word “lazy” and to me that is a lazy excuse! Ha! This your life! Your partner! Your partnership! Invest in it, explore it, don’t waste the friendship and life youve built together! Enrich it and fly free in sexy, super fun love :)))

Ask Us Anything!

Any tips for being a bigger girl during summer? I love my legs but my thighs chafe really bad and tights are just far too hot to wear sometimes!

Rubyyy says: Ohhh girl! I have been there! And because I have, this is easy peasy: in the summertime I will carry a small pot of Vaseline in my bag and apply it before going out to frolic in the sunshine, the jelly will need to be reapplied but won’t break down with sweat and friction like other products. Go get ’em baby! xxx

Ask Us Anything!

“I’m having some body issues. I’m naturally very skinny and while I’m fine with what I look like most of the time, some people I know keep declaring that only ‘real women’ have curves. Occasionally it does get me down, however I’m pretty sure that I’m real but can’t seem to get them to see things from my point of view.”

Rubyyy says: Hey babes! Great question! Yeahhh this is a silly one isn’t it, even if you were 80% plastic, you’d still be a ‘real woman’ – even if you have a penis you’re a ‘real woman’ if that;s how you identify in your spirit 🙂

Well, I think this is a great time for you to pick up a pen and paper and expand your reasoning, which is totally true and fair by the way. Expanding your thoughts, reinforcing your point of view, this will help you to feel more confident when you do have to serve somebody the T (truth) and also, you’re more likely to be less effected by their insensitivity… As my guru, Louise Hay, says: if someone called you a “purple pig” over and over, you wouldn’t listen to them – why listen when they say you’re fat, dumb or whatever… Not verbatim Louise Hay there! *wink*

I hate this conversation sometimes and that’s because I believe it is another level, another way of distracting women and the female conversation, diverting it to something essentially limiting and meaningless. A real woman is a real woman is a real woman, no matter her size, if she is a woman in her heart.

Love and light darling
xxx
R

Ask Us Anything!

“I’m dating a slightly older guy [I’m 20 and he’s 29] and some of my friends keep bringing up the age difference which is starting to annoy me. We’ve been dating for just under a year and while I’ve tried telling them to leave it alone they won’t quit. How can I get them to see what I see?”

Hi there! Thanks for the question! Hmmm… Wish we could have a chat because I would like to ask you some more questions really… I would have asked you: what is it, more specifically, that your friends say? Do they think he’s pushing you too fast or in the wrong way? Do the think he’s influencing you in a way that may not be healthy? Or is it just teasing – calling him Grandpa Hot or whatever – which is more directly about the difference…

I have, more often than not, dated people who were older than me. This has never been my intent and I have dated people the same age or only slightly older and to be honest, it has just been who I was attracted to and that’s that.

Not knowing the specifics of the situation I’ll go with the angle that’s not just playful teasing SO I would advise that you take some quiet space to consider what your friends have said.

Take some quiet time alone, light a candle, sit on the floor, breathe deeply and quiet your mind and heart. Imagine the things your friend’s have said in a little cloud, a speech bubble and reading/replay it in your mind… Notice what your heart and that little voice in your head or gut says, does a part of you connect with what they are saying?

If it’s a no and/or it’s the teasing option, you need to be a bit firmer in your communication with your friends because essentially you’re not being heard and that can really effect friendships over time.

If it’s a “yes” you do feel a part of you connecting with their worries, questions or whatever you need to spend some more time exploring that. Be honest with yourself. Open up to yourself and your heart and hear what you really want and need; then maybe you need to have a little chit chat with your boyfriend..

I wish I could help more! But either way, you need to reconnect with how how you feel and then be firm in yourself and whatever communication what will develop out of that conversation with yourself

Love and Light Darling!

xxx

Ask Us Anything!

“I don’t mean this in a bitchy way, but my friend doesn’t seem to know what deodorant is! She’s a lovely girl but the smell of B.O. is quite strong. How do I bring this up in conversation?”

Rubyyy says: Hi Darling! Gosh I’m a little bit stumped! I’ve noticed in the past with friends but usually it was a phase or a particular event that makes them a little more heady and I’ve always just accepted that as them. So, you’re friends and friends have each others back through thick and thin… And stinky! Few people are smellier than drag queens! And in my experience they’re the fiercest, thruthiest of friends too: serving each other “The T” – the truth! Even when it’s not totally glamorous!

Have a sit down with your friend and make sure she knows how much you love her and appreciate all the times she has been generous and wonderful to you! Maybe even have a spa night! Buy her a little gift basket of a lovely range, eco friendly things and do or do not include some kind of deodorant. Let her know you’ve noticed sometimes that her scent is a bit strong and though you don’t really mind, you’re concerned that won’t be the case with everyone and you’d rather her hear it from a friend and not someone who could be unkind about it!

Bect of luck! Love and light

xxx

R