Ask Us Anything!

23 Mar
I’m finding it hard to take criticism without it feeling personal. I enjoy writing and often write short stories but whenever I ask my friends to read and edit them I always take their opinions and ‘constructive criticism’ to heart. How can I stop feeling like this?
Rubyyy says: Oh my darling! Big hugs! The question you have asked is one question but what I believe is at the root, is a simple one to ask, a simple one to answer but one of the hardest to truly move on from.
First things first!
You bring up your writing as a sore spot but I would be quite surprised if there weren’t other parts of your life where you feel the same; sorry if my assuming makes and ass out of you and me 🙂
And I say this because I believe your reaction comes down to your self esteem and self worth.
If you believed you were a kick ass writer, even if you realistically knew you also still needed practice, education, etc; you would be able to take on the criticisms of your writing, by your friends, without feeling too hurt…
Well, you would have the worth and energy built up in yourself so that you wouldn’t be so attached to people’s comments, or even so much to the result of the critique; you could accept each person’s opinion as simply that: their opinion!
Sometimes it’s helpful to consider the source, to help silence the nasty “ego” (as referred to by Eckart Tolle in A new Earth, please read!) voices that may pipe up. Make sure it is indeed FRIENDS or people you admire offering you this advice. People who want to help and support you and encourage you to grow and get better; if they are not, do not present them with your tender efforts; what’s the point? You can get in touch with your masochism in another way, one that’s more fun at least…!
Also, when you’re presenting your work to a friend and receiving their feedback, do your best not to get too immediately attached to each and every thing they say; maybe even ask for feedback in writing so you can have a bit more space to receive thoughts and to consider people’s feedback.
To be honest, I think it’s best to take this kind of emotional space, a buffer,  from both negative AND positive feedback because, either way, it’s important to consider things as they come along but not to rely on others to boost or bash you; both can create a false self esteem and it’s important that the water off this duck’s back is slipping right off, no matter what.
Finally, I would tell you the simple answer is: love yourself. Self love is belief, respect, empowerment, enlightenment and pride, and there is no shame in feeling deep love and respect for yourself, in fact, I believe this is the key to overcoming your issue. This is one of the toughest states of being we humans can obtain but also the brightest in my opinion; I would suggest you read my guru’s book: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L Hay, a self help classic, written by the grandmother of positive affirmation manifestation. It may seem a bit cheesy but it’s a gem and it sure sounds like you could use some affirmation and self appreciation and this book is an amazing guide to Self Love:101
Best of luck with your writing and your journey of acceptance; love and light sweetness xxx

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