Ask Us Anything!

29 Dec

“I knew I was a lesbian from a young age [and I’m 19 now] I never found myself attracted to boys at school and could never really understand the attraction my friends had to Ewan McGregor but I’m not sure about how to tell those close to me. A few of my really close friends know, I had no problem telling them, but I don’t know how to tell my family and other friends this. in this day in age it shouldn’t be this big of a deal, but why do I feel that it is?”

Becky says: First of all I believe that the reason that you are scared to tell other friends and your family is that there is still the belief that being gay is wrong. No matter how many gay pride marches or mardi gras etc. we have, there is still the initial thought that something is wrong with being gay because it is different (which is quite strange as a massive amount of people are coming out gay). I understand having to come out and tell your parents but it shouldn’t be a big deal. There shouldn’t have to be the awkward moment of “Will they still love me?” or “What’s wrong with me?” Recently I watched a programme about John Barrowman (which I would highly recommend in your situation, Ferne Britton meets… it should be on Iplayer) and in his words, it doesn’t matter and people should find out who you are first.

Anyway, I’ve gone off on long enough here. My point is, is that you are quite similar to me. My friends all used to swoon over the latest Hollywood actor and I thought there was something wrong because I didn’t stare inanely at his face and biceps.  I believe that there is nothing wrong with me. In my opinion and this is only my opinion, your family and friends should accept whoever you are because it does not make you different to the person they love and know today but everyone deals with things in their own ways.

My advice would be to choose the right time, not when they are running about but when there is a relaxed atmosphere and when you are alone with them so that they do not feel that they have to react in a certain way. Tell them about your anxieties and let them hopefully comfort you.

Please let us know how you get on, I’m sure everything will be absolutely fine!

Rubyyy says: Hi There!
Thanks for this amazing question, cause, you’re right – in this day and age it shouldn’t be a big deal – but it is and can feel massive, even daunting.
Maybe think about it this way, it’s a big deal, not just that you’re gay but that you’re having to sit down with people and explain to them: this is who I am. And especially since it’s your sexuality you’re discussing, this is a convo your (pretend) heterosexual older brother doesn’t have to have with Nan. It’s intimate!

Sooo what I would suggest is: approach the persons in your immediate family who you feel most comfortable with, probably a parent, sibling or aunt/uncle, as you said, friends who know you know. I would take time with them casually but one-to-one (or not, if that’s what you want) to speak with them. Saying something simple over tea and cake, as you said to me: I’ve known this to be true for me for a long time, I’m really happy with who I am and I just want you to know where I am in
my life because I care about you and what us to keep getting closer. I love you. Give them a chance to ask questions if they want and feel free to only answer what you feel comfortable with. Hopefully it goes awesome and you hug. I really recommend hugging!

Then I would seek their advice! This is obviously someone you trust and they may have some thoughts on how to speak to other relatives.

If directly sitting down with them feels too much, consider writing a thoughtful letter or email. Some might feel this impersonal but I feel it’s gentle on you to give yourself the time and space to really express your feelings and thoughts. Perhaps then include an invitation to have a tea and cake date so you can have a hug and get advice.

As far as other folks, I kind of feel that once your family and friends know where you’re at: everyone can just find out on their own. It’s not your public duty… Unless it is.. In which case: throw a fabulous coming out partyyy! Nothing says: I’M A LESSSBIIIAAANNN! like a fun night out with your nearest and dearest and everyone in town.

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