My bullying experience

29 Nov

As this issue is all about bullying, we’ve individually been asked to write about our own bullying experiences. As someone who has been bullied a great deal of my life, you think this would be easy to do but its hard to know where to begin. I was fat. Simple as. I was a fat teenager and to be a fat teenager is pretty hard as it is but when you have others picking on you for that reason, it gets very difficult. I also had spots and glasses. Not the most attractive of combinations but that was me and in some ways I miss it. Anyway, high school. I remember in the initial induction of students into the school, we were forced to play these team bonding exercises such as ball games etc. I remember a guy turning around to pass me a ball with a look of disgust on his face and moaning ‘eugh’. I didn’t understand, he didn’t even know me yet, why was he repulsed by me?

Looking back I now know that it was because of how I looked. I wasn’t the thin, athletic, popular girl but because I was different he had a stick shoved up his arse and thought he was somehow superior to me. This continued through most of high school with most of the students, even some who didn’t get involved didn’t speak to me or make me feel comfortable. Comments the teachers would make didn’t help either, during a French class where we were learning the rules of the classroom, my teacher said that she would try and give us a rule that suited us the most. When she got to me, she said that I should have to no eating in class, put it this way I never ate in class. So was she referring to my weight? That probably would have played on my mind but it was nothing to the unison of ‘awwwwwwww’ from my classmates. That just made it ten times worse.

During high school, I had a group of three main friends, possibly four at certain points. During that time one of them drew a picture of me with a big pregnant stomach. I was hurt but not as close to this person, I could shrug it off easier. The main memory that sticks in my head was when I was having lunch one day with my three friends. One of them decided to pipe up with, ‘did you know one in four people turns out to be obese? No offense Beck but I think its gonna be you’. To which my other friend went, ‘aw that’s so mean’. Not ‘that’s unfair’ or ‘don’t be a bitch’. Yes you may think I am over thinking things here but when you dealt with constant awkwardness and horrible feelings from your peers most days then when you friends say it, let’s just say paper cut, lemon juice. Cue to me sitting bawling on my bedroom floor thinking that I was ugly, fat, spotty, stupid, never going to get a boyfriend, going to get into college or uni or have any good friends who wanted to go out.

When I went to college, it all died down. I still wasn’t the attractive one of my group but I was happy. I had good friends and they treated me a lot better. However the feeling of animosity from males in even my own group of friends was still there. I began losing weight, a conscious decision, thinking it would make me happier. Quoting one of my lecturers at the time of my shedding the pounds (and horribly quickly I might add) when I mentioned that people were beginning to get worried about me as they thought I was losing too much, to which she replied basically ‘screw them, you should keep losing more’. So I did. I lost so much to the point where I was nearly hospitalised and extremely ill. It was just a harmless comment but one that I undertook with great rush.

Some people blame themselves for what happened after, I will always disagree. What happened happened because I was overweight, shy with extremely low self esteem. The reason I was big was down to me and me alone, not my parents. I chose to sneak that second, third packet of crisps, I didn’t stop when I thought I was getting a little chubbier. The fault is all mine. And who says its a fault? The fault was that others made me feel like I was disgusting and not good enough, I’m not saying I blame them, it was again my fault I was bigger but they sure as hell didn’t improve my esteem or how I felt about myself.

I’m not saying that being bigger is wrong or anything like that, if you are then you are you and nobody should tell you to change that. Losing weight and changing how I look was a personal choice for me and as my doctor once said, ‘You are losing weight to make you happy?’ And all I was doing was making myself unhappy and conforming to standards no one should set but myself.

 

 

About the Writer: Becky has just finished a degree in English and Creative Writing and is very happy with her 2:1. She is friendly, bubbly and just so happens to be the co-creator of Yellow Bunting. She hopes you enjoy it and that you get involved!

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2 Responses to “My bullying experience”

  1. Samantha 29/11/2012 at 10:29 am #

    Daisy, you are brave to tell your story .. trust me , no matter who we are today and how we look, we were all bullied at some point .. I was fat in my teenage, but i was popular at school , i was loved. I’ve never been bullied by classmates, but by cousins. I felt like nothing, i grew up with the impression that am ugly, fat, unattractive .. even when someone showed an interest in me i would be like :” how? it’s impossible” .. I met my current boyfriend when I was this fat and unattractive girl; i met him when I was 17 , i am 24 now .. we’re still together, he was that popular, handsom, attractive .. womaniser looking guy , i was just the opposite .. I never discovered myself until i met him, he made me love myself, he loved me the way i was, he never complained about my look or made me feel negative (i wasnt the worst, but looking back at those photos I just laugh) .. Now, i lost so much weight with all stress and work , not going through diet, i started taking good care of my self and i discovered another person, it is probably the first time i meet myself .. my BF finds me so pretty and I do find myself too !! He was the only one who appreciated me and noticed me before everyone did; this is why i love him and this is why i credit my strong personality to him .. I ‘ve never been as strong and confident as now .. when my cousins met me after my transformation they were shocked as if they wished i would stay nothing for them for ever !!

    • yellowbunting 09/12/2012 at 12:32 pm #

      Hi Samantha,

      Thank you for your feedback but it wasn’t Daisy’s article, it was mine (Becky)

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